Like shattered glass
by Blood Rose Knight
Summary: The inner turmoil of Russia's heart after being played by America. Based on my love life right now. Please Review!


Reasons like broken glass

Russia sat at the meeting table. America was sitting at the other end of the room with England laughing. Russia couldn't put into words how much he envied the island country right then. Russia loved the obnoxious American, and he hated himself for it. He had no right to love the younger country. He had hurt him so many times yet, he couldn't resist his shinning cobalt eyes or his wheat blonde hair, not even his bright smile.

Russia knew America knew how he felt. He had told him months ago. And for a while. He though America felt the same way. Though, obviously by the scene in front of him, he had been wrong. Dead wrong.

He didn't know weather to be glad nothing had changed, be angry at the way he had obviously used him, or just cry at the rejection.

It hurt so much, but he couldn't help but still love him.

~Flash Back~

Russia stood outside of the hall nervously. Lately he had been making a habit of walking with America to his near by hotel after meetings. The younger nation didn't seem to mind too much. Sure they had there playful threats and name calling but that's all it was. Playful bantering.

Today though felt different. Today felt like something was going to change weather he liked it or not. He bit his pale lower lip as he leaned against the wooden door frame. Why wouldn't his heart stop beating so erratically.

"Yo, dude, you ok. You look like your going to pass out." Russia looked up in a shock at America. The smile the younger nation gave him was dazzling, making his already erratic heart beat even worse.

"I'm fine." Russia said before fallowing his fellow nation out of the world meeting hall.

...

The sun was shinning bright. While they were walking down the coble stone path, lined with a verity of colorful flowers, to the hotel Russia couldn't help but note the way the sunlight caught in the blonde's hair. America looked at Russia, his glasses sliding down his nose slightly, causing Russia to blush at the fact he had been caught staring.

Russia was well aware of the fact he was head over heals for the American. It made it hard to swallow every time he though about the idea of the two of them being together.

Russia had started to look at the ground when America grabbed his hand. The older country looked at him in surprise. America just brushed it off like noting was weird at all, though the blush on his face was very prominent. "Don't tell me your developing feelings for me comrade." Russia said his accent think and alluring. He watched at America's Adams apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.

"No way you commie bastard." America said in a suspicious tone. Russia then finally looked around. They were not at the hotel. They had passed it a while ago. Now they were in an ally about twenty feet away from the hotel.

"Umm... America, I believed we passed the hotel." Russia said looking over his shoulder to the building they were supposed to be in right then.

"I know." America said before pressing Russia to the brick wall. Now it was Russia's turn to swallow hard. There foreheads rested together.

"Do you always stall like this?" He asked and Russia just gave him a slightly quizzical look with his violet eyes. At that moment America pressed his lips to Russia's.

His lips were warm and soft. It took a minute for Russia to register was happening and that America was begging for entrance. Hesitantly, Russia gave him access.

It had been his first kiss so Russia was confused at first. But after a few seconds he found his mouth moving with America's and there tongs intertwining and darting in and out of eachother's mouths.

After a few minutes they separated for air. Russia felt his face being hot and he was slightly turned on by the flushed expression the American was giving him.

"Let's go back." Russia said and then the American fallowed him.

~End Flashback~

So Russia didn't technically say he liked him. But the body language was obvious. He tapped his pen impatiently on the desk. And then he saw it. America kissed England. In front of the entire world meeting. Russia's breath came in more of a hiss. On one hand he was happy that America was happy now. On another hand he was plane pissed that he had the nerve to play with Russia's feelings like that. But either way, it still hurt.

He listened silently as America told the other countries about how him and his Iggy were official. He preached about how Him and England had a connection and how no one else under stood him like he did.

Didn't he and Russia have a connection?

Didn't Russia understand him?

According to America. He didn't.

After another half hour the meeting was over and Russia walked back to his hotel alone. As he walked tears slid quietly down his face. 'Why?' Was the only thing he could ask himself. Of course he knew the answer already.

Russia veered off the path slightly to pick one of the blooming sunflowers. His quiet crying turning into uncontrollable sobs.

'No one could ever really love me. I was just something to pass the time.' The truth was like broken glass.

Crystal clear, and painful to try to pick up the broken pieces left behind.

* * *

BRK: Ok, this depressing little tale is resulting in my very confusing and frustrating love life.

Embra: Here we go again. How many times do I have to tell you the people don't care about your life!

BRK: I don't care I need to rant! So think of me as Russia my crush as America and the slut he's dating now as England and you have my life right now

Embra: She's not a slut and you know it

BRK: I don't care! The point is he played me and it hurts

Embra: My idiot friend doesn't own anything

BRK: And please review and if you have any advice for me I would be glad to hear it

Embra: They don't care!

BRK: But I do! So please Review!


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